How Can You Influence Your Child’s Behavior?
♦ Effective parenting strategies are parent behaviors that teach children positive socialization skills. They are also used to change children’s problem behaviors and to keep children’s positive behaviors strong. For example, parents may want their child to whine less often. To change whiny behavior, the parents might: (1) reward “big girl” talk, and (2) ignore whiny talk. Generally, behaviors that are rewarded increase, and behaviors that are ignored decrease.
♦ You can use these strategies with your child by choosing behaviors that you would like to see happen more or less frequently. Reward the behaviors you want to see more often. Then, reward behaviors that are incompatible with (opposite to) the behaviors you want to happen less often. For example, praise your child for using her “inside voice” to reduce yelling. Increasing rewards for positive behaviors, alone, without using any negative consequences, is often enough to make positive changes in your child’s behavior. In some cases, combining rewards with mild negative consequences may be helpful. Types and examples of rewards and consequences are listed below.
♦ You can use these strategies with your child by choosing behaviors that you would like to see happen more or less frequently. Reward the behaviors you want to see more often. Then, reward behaviors that are incompatible with (opposite to) the behaviors you want to happen less often. For example, praise your child for using her “inside voice” to reduce yelling. Increasing rewards for positive behaviors, alone, without using any negative consequences, is often enough to make positive changes in your child’s behavior. In some cases, combining rewards with mild negative consequences may be helpful. Types and examples of rewards and consequences are listed below.
Rewards
Types |
Definition |
Example |
Social |
Rewarding the child with positive social attention. |
Praise Smiles Looking and listening when your child talks to you |
Material |
Rewarding the child with a material prize that she likes. |
Small toys Ice cream or other food treats Stickers |
Activities |
Rewarding the child with an activity he likes. |
Reading to child Playing game with child Going to park with child Having child’s friend over |
Negative Consequences
Types |
Definition |
Examples |
Active Ignoring |
Removing all your attention from your child when misbehavior is happening: Avoid eye contact Avoid arguing, pleading, or any talk at all |
Choose only one problem behaviors to ignore at a time, such as your child asking for something after you’ve already said “no.” Before you use this strategy, tell your child once that you are not going to pay attention or talk to him at all when he asks again after you’ve already said no. Then, whenever your child asks again, you focus your attention on something unrelated to your child’s questions, and do not look at your child or say anything about this behavior |
Natural Consequences |
Allowing an event that naturally follows from your child’s misbehavior to occur (as long as it’s safe) |
“Because you threw your toy and broke it, you will not have that toy to play with anymore.”
|
Tips for rewarding good behaviors
Remember, behaviors that are rewarded happen more.
♦ Pay attention!!! It is easy for parents to “miss” their child ’s good behavior. Often, parents use the time their children are well - behaved to pay attention to other things (“Little Joey has been so good today, I’ve been able to get all my chores done.”). So, sometimes children misbehave because misbehaving gets their parents to pay attention to them. When your child is well - behaved, let her know that you notice it and like it!
♦ Reward good behavior that is incompatible with common misbehaviors (called positive opposites ). For example, if your child does not like to share his toys, pay attention to when he does share, and praise him for it!!
♦ Reward immediately after good behavior (or as soon as possible after).
♦ Tell your child why you like what she is doing.
♦ If you offer an activity reward or a material reward, make sure it is something that really is a reward to your child. That is, if your child is not interested in watching TV, giving an extra 30 minutes of TV time is not a good reward; it will not change your child’s behavior. If possible, let your child choose the reward.
Tips for using negative consequences to reduce negative behaviors
♦ Use mild negative consequences only
♦ Mild consequences are effective.
♦ It is easy for you to follow - through with mild consequences.
♦ Using mild consequences helps prevent you from becoming angry.
♦ When disciplining, avoid showing anger or using a loud voice.
♦ Mild consequences help you keep your relationship with your child positive.
♦ Discipline immediately after the bad behavior begins/occurs.
♦ Discipline only when you feel in control of yourself (that is, if you are very angry, do not discipline).
♦ Except with active ignoring, tell your child briefly why he is being disciplined. (Example: You hit her, so you can’t play with her anymore today.)
♦ After this brief explanation, say no more about the problem behavior or why you are disciplining.
♦ When describing why you are disciplining, describe the child’s behavior , not your child.
♦ Be calm but firm.
♦ Be brief.
♦ Avoid sarcasm.
How Do I Know This Works?
♦ As good as this sounds on paper, you may be thinking that these simple techniques will not work with your child. Parents are sometimes reluctant to try these strategies, because they seem too simple. When used correctly, rewards and mild negative consequences lead to positive changes you want to see in your child’s behavior.
♦ In treatment studies, these strategies have been shown to be effective in changing the behavior of children with Attention - Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Many psychologists use these strategies when working with the families of children with these disorders. These strategies also work with children who have mild problem behaviors.
Still not sure if this program is for you, check out other sections of this resources that interest you.
Remember, behaviors that are rewarded happen more.
♦ Pay attention!!! It is easy for parents to “miss” their child ’s good behavior. Often, parents use the time their children are well - behaved to pay attention to other things (“Little Joey has been so good today, I’ve been able to get all my chores done.”). So, sometimes children misbehave because misbehaving gets their parents to pay attention to them. When your child is well - behaved, let her know that you notice it and like it!
♦ Reward good behavior that is incompatible with common misbehaviors (called positive opposites ). For example, if your child does not like to share his toys, pay attention to when he does share, and praise him for it!!
♦ Reward immediately after good behavior (or as soon as possible after).
♦ Tell your child why you like what she is doing.
♦ If you offer an activity reward or a material reward, make sure it is something that really is a reward to your child. That is, if your child is not interested in watching TV, giving an extra 30 minutes of TV time is not a good reward; it will not change your child’s behavior. If possible, let your child choose the reward.
Tips for using negative consequences to reduce negative behaviors
♦ Use mild negative consequences only
♦ Mild consequences are effective.
♦ It is easy for you to follow - through with mild consequences.
♦ Using mild consequences helps prevent you from becoming angry.
♦ When disciplining, avoid showing anger or using a loud voice.
♦ Mild consequences help you keep your relationship with your child positive.
♦ Discipline immediately after the bad behavior begins/occurs.
♦ Discipline only when you feel in control of yourself (that is, if you are very angry, do not discipline).
♦ Except with active ignoring, tell your child briefly why he is being disciplined. (Example: You hit her, so you can’t play with her anymore today.)
♦ After this brief explanation, say no more about the problem behavior or why you are disciplining.
♦ When describing why you are disciplining, describe the child’s behavior , not your child.
♦ Be calm but firm.
♦ Be brief.
♦ Avoid sarcasm.
How Do I Know This Works?
♦ As good as this sounds on paper, you may be thinking that these simple techniques will not work with your child. Parents are sometimes reluctant to try these strategies, because they seem too simple. When used correctly, rewards and mild negative consequences lead to positive changes you want to see in your child’s behavior.
♦ In treatment studies, these strategies have been shown to be effective in changing the behavior of children with Attention - Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Many psychologists use these strategies when working with the families of children with these disorders. These strategies also work with children who have mild problem behaviors.
Still not sure if this program is for you, check out other sections of this resources that interest you.